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On healing that never finishes and finding the cause
Hello everyone,
I want to share my experience with a problem that plagued me for a few years now : the inability to reach deeper level of transformation with peak states work.
I know many people inside and outside the institute have somewhat similar problems, actually probably most everyone have issues with getting fundamental states, in one way or another. That's just a brick in the wall of many possible reasons why we cannot reach these states.
So my issue here is I have been working on experimental processes designed to heal significant issues and/or get several important peak states, with the constant inability to finish these processes.
So, I would heal a developmental event, and never quite get to a full healing. I would heal most of it, but never to 100%.
For the last 2 years, I've spend hundreds of hours banging my head against the wall trying to do this
Maybe a sign that I'm crazy, haha ?
Anyway, along the way I cracked many problems, a major one being the manipulation fungus issue, some general traumas about moving forward in life, worked on the abyss, and learned to better face some of the major sensations that people avoid in this work : suffocation, death, evil, and annihilation.
What is odd is I am able to heal these hard traumas, but not when this will lead to a major transformation, as in the case of these experimental processes.
Recently, I discovered something that amazed me.
I want to share my experience with a problem that plagued me for a few years now : the inability to reach deeper level of transformation with peak states work.
I know many people inside and outside the institute have somewhat similar problems, actually probably most everyone have issues with getting fundamental states, in one way or another. That's just a brick in the wall of many possible reasons why we cannot reach these states.
So my issue here is I have been working on experimental processes designed to heal significant issues and/or get several important peak states, with the constant inability to finish these processes.
So, I would heal a developmental event, and never quite get to a full healing. I would heal most of it, but never to 100%.
For the last 2 years, I've spend hundreds of hours banging my head against the wall trying to do this
Maybe a sign that I'm crazy, haha ?Anyway, along the way I cracked many problems, a major one being the manipulation fungus issue, some general traumas about moving forward in life, worked on the abyss, and learned to better face some of the major sensations that people avoid in this work : suffocation, death, evil, and annihilation.
What is odd is I am able to heal these hard traumas, but not when this will lead to a major transformation, as in the case of these experimental processes.
Recently, I discovered something that amazed me.
Despite being sad and despaired about being blocked in my healing, I became aware that my dad was actually blocking me. From him radiated a feeling of happiness about the fact that I can't change fundamentaly. I had both feelings of despair and happiness within myself.
So, doing some investigation on this, here is what I found :
- my father had a happy feeling mixed with an evil tone. I realised there was a parasite, probably an ameoba, pretending to be my father. I healed it with body associations.
- The generationnal traumas then were on :
- Happy not to change as a positive trauma
- The generationnal traumas then were on :
- Happy not to change as a positive trauma
- Evil in the paternal lineage
- Sadness as "you will not be my son anymore"
I check my mom and she was not radiating any of this except the "you will not be my son anymore" sadness.
I felt a huge relief and lightness in my body. Nice !
Then I went back to the developmental event I had been working on before, and healing it was much easier ! Until I hit another barrier.
Today I realised there was another ameoba floating above my head with a similar 'you can't change fundamentally' happiness/evil.
Thus, I wonder if there could be more of these organisms. Something to look for !
Today I realised there was another ameoba floating above my head with a similar 'you can't change fundamentally' happiness/evil.
Thus, I wonder if there could be more of these organisms. Something to look for !
Comments
I've healed many many monoliths but they did not have the same effet.
And while investigating this particular issue I did not find any monolith, so it seems to be separate issues (or I missed the connection, but there is a distinct felt sense to both problems, as if they are from other places in the PC).
And for the 1st one I find, I just focused on my dad and immediately felt it to the right side. Just like when looking for generationnals. Probably just a coincidence. But I think these organisms hide themselves pretending to be familiar people. Generally when I sense my father or mother in myself I find them to be in the right or left, almost like the grandparents.
One was sitting on my neck, almost like a cat cuddling me. It also had this "happy you are not changing" / evil tone to it.
Body associations were straightforward. Then there were 2 layers of generationnals :
- The evil/happy tone itself, slightly different from the previous organisms
- The feeling "I need this or I will die" which was a bit long to heal.
Both layers were present in all 4 grandparents.
Then the second organism was smaller and easier to heal, actually I don't remember the precise location and emotional tone, but it was in the same vein.
So yeah, definetely there are several of these organisms. Julien suggested to try to regress on them to find if there is a development event or a general fix for it.
I don't know if the ameboa's effect superimpose upon the person, in that case the parasite is tricking me by putting a deceptive "layer" on reality... OR it seemed to me the real person actually played out the trauma in the interaction.
I am not sure, as starting with my father, there was obviously a generational dynamic there. Let's see what changes in reality I can observe from this work.
Yesterday I healed 4 more similar problems around "not finishing processes / healing fully".
The first ameoba was far in my back, 2 were below me and one above. All have the happy/evil tone.
More specifically, One was authoritative, one complaining, one agressive, and one kind of disappointed. Very manipulative, these little creatures !
I had a funny moment when I realised the first one emitted "no, you are not going to heal Gaëtan" !! What, so these ameobas now call me with my name, where is this going ?
Ok, so I laughed at it only to find that this was another bad creepy and BIG ameoba back toward my head. This one seemed also to be my dad in some way. These parasite camouflage themselves.
So this was the 8th one I found so far. So this time instead of healing it, I trid to find a developmental event where they come from.
I think I found something, as healing it made the ameoba disappear !
This need to be checked, but fingers crossed I actally mae real progress here. More soon...
Be careful! Is there anyway to "sandbox" the experimentation?
Yes, some problems are tough and we don't know everything.
I believe this is accessible only to therapists and students, isn't it ?