I want to share my experience with a problem that plagued me for a few years now : the inability to reach deeper level of transformation with peak states work.
I know many people inside and outside the institute have somewhat similar problems, actually probably most everyone have issues with getting fundamental states, in one way or another. That's just a brick in the wall of many possible reasons why we cannot reach these states.
So my issue here is I have been working on experimental processes designed to heal significant issues and/or get several important peak states, with the constant inability to finish these processes.
So, I would heal a developmental event, and never quite get to a full healing. I would heal most of it, but never to 100%.
For the last 2 years, I've spend hundreds of hours banging my head against the wall trying to do this
Maybe a sign that I'm crazy, haha ?
Anyway, along the way I cracked many problems, a major one being the manipulation fungus issue, some general traumas about moving forward in life, worked on the abyss, and learned to better face some of the major sensations that people avoid in this work : suffocation, death, evil, and annihilation.
What is odd is I am able to heal these hard traumas, but not when this will lead to a major transformation, as in the case of these experimental processes.
Recently, I discovered something that amazed me.
Despite being sad and despaired about being blocked in my healing, I became aware that my dad was actually blocking me. From him radiated a feeling of happiness about the fact that I can't change fundamentaly. I had both feelings of despair and happiness within myself.
So, doing some investigation on this, here is what I found :
- my father had a happy feeling mixed with an evil tone. I realised there was a parasite, probably an ameoba, pretending to be my father. I healed it with body associations.
- The generationnal traumas then were on :
- Happy not to change as a positive trauma
- Evil in the paternal lineage
- Sadness as "you will not be my son anymore"
I check my mom and she was not radiating any of this except the "you will not be my son anymore" sadness.
I felt a huge relief and lightness in my body. Nice !
Then I went back to the developmental event I had been working on before, and healing it was much easier ! Until I hit another barrier.
Today I realised there was another ameoba floating above my head with a similar 'you can't change fundamentally' happiness/evil.
Thus, I wonder if there could be more of these organisms. Something to look for !